Mall Cop...

I want to preface by saying -

This is what you get when its writer's claim to fame is having produced/written/done voices for Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Coupled with a guy that wrote/produced/stared in King of Queens. And then, this not being enough, this cheap-gag, fart/ fat humour comedy duo get sewn together with Adam Sandler helming the project.

Now, to me, this represents the perfect shit storm. A cacophany of bad jokes, cheap shots and loud yelling.

The plot: When a shopping mall is overtaken by a gang of organized crooks, it's up to the a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.. blah blah fat-ass blah blah heart gold, blah blah, its the inside that counts. Sure, reinforce that image that if your fat and lifeless, stay doing what your doing, happiness will just fall in your gormless, stupid lap in the form of a beautiful witty somebody.

Luckily, some market researching, savvy go-getter has done their homework and found out this appeals to most of America which is why it has scored 146 million at the box office and counting. Considering the paltry 26 million it costs to make, i forsee a Roy schnieder-like career for Kevin James filling the reinforced shoes John Candy left when he died, as the studio sees the dollar signs for little creative or monetary outlay.

Good thing? No

Bad thing?Yes....wait. Mostly, lets leave some room for devine intervention.

But, on a more positive note, its not all bad. It quickly plateaus just above marginally interesting with brief spikes into funnyland and is a nice painless 91 minutes.

I cant seem to pad this out anymore, there just wasnt enough content, not even to dislike. Look, if your really bored, or have kids that are really bored, go see it. Get it out of your system. If you can wait a few more weeks for early releases for American holidays movie season, so it.

This is a perfect example of nothing else being out worth watching at the moment propelling this trash into the junkesphere.

Cheers, and stay tuned!

The Band, the House and Performance Appraisals...

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Let me explain.

My apartment is part of a large old converted two story house that has been turned into about 7 apartments of varying sizes and shapes. Needless to say, the apartments outnumber the bathrooms. Fun times.

For the first time in the odd month iv been here, i arrived at the bathroom door at the same time my neighbor (i only share with the one neighbor, thank christ). We look at each other in this bleary "Oh, c'mon!" sort of way and before i could offer he said i could take it.
Its good to have friendly neighbors... because i didnt want to stand there in my underware any longer than i had to.

So id consider that neighbor most definately met. His name is Mike, and he either showers infrequently or at odd times. This was all i knew of this guy, until the next day...

Thats not strictly true actually, i knew he drove this beat up late 70's Merc which i really liked because its parked out the front. Anyway! He and i were coming out of our respective dwellings the next day, me with my backpack half full of things i neither need nor will use and him with guitar case.

"Hes a muso!" I thought, which is cool. Especially because the walls in this place as so thick you couldnt here if somebody was being disected with an angle grinder in the next room, so it didnt matter if he was absolutely aweful at it, he could play all night if he liked.

So i hold the door open like a gentleman.

"Hi!" sez i.

"Hi, im off to Golden Plains" - Seen-me-in-my-underware Mike.

"Oh, cool, thats one i would have liked to go to, good bands playing."

"Yeah... seeya."

"Seeya"

As he struggles though our tetnus-waiting-to-happen gate i cant help but notice he has stenciled on his case EDDY CURRANT and it clicks. The band featured on Triple J all week was Eddy Currant Suppresion Ring and i was living next door, nay, sharing a bathroom with their guitarist/keyboard player. The conversation wed just had sounded more and more awkard in my mind's retelling. Ah well, what can you do.



For some reason or another, things have being lining up at work lately. The last few weeks have seemed downhill, but its more like planets aligning because nothing special has happened, its just of all the potetial things that could have gone wrong....nothing did. Not one. And it felt like i was putting it all on some sort of Karma tab, and there would be this momentus "bill" to pay soon, and i shuddered to think what and when it would be.

Then performance appraisals were announced, or would have been announced, if there had been anybody but me and my supervisor there, so it was more of a case of him leaning over and saying - "Performance apps are this week, just letting you know."

Firstly, its easy to look good when your the only person who isnt sick or on holidays. Id also just finished revamping a major project that had gotten out of control over the last few months and had started to look aweful and the day after id finished my boss' boss had walked past and said something along the lines of "Now this is the direction we should be heading in!". Score!
So thats out of the way for another year.

And now, the $100 dollar question: Will Tim get to the Airshow this weekend?? Discover the answer, and much, much more, next time Wally watchers!

The Watchnem watched..

As the title infers, i saw the watchmen the other night, so we'l start with that.

Firstly, it was looong.

2 and a half hours long.

Any movie is aproaching too long at that point, it doesnt matter what its about. My bad left knee starts aching (leave the old man comments out of it) and im well out of pop corn and drink, malteasers a fading memory. I would say that the movie filled the 160 minutes well though, plenty of action, drama and story "meat" and no filler.

The story: The Watchmen is set in an alternate 1985 where superheros are common but outlawed. The world, turning ever more violent, has turned against caped crusaders who dispence their own violent and sometimes skewed brand of justice.

A running narrative is continued through the movie by masked vigilante Rorschach, a disallusioned loner once apart of a super group who uncovers a plot to kill supers.

Now im going to spoil it, so if your just dying to see it and dont want me to piss on your parade then tune out now and by all means come back and agree/disagree/discuss/have a drink with me after you;ve seen it.


The casting was brilliant, with brawn and brains and beauty all being used to push elements of the storyline across, beauty having palpable cosequences. Fountains of blood were to be expected i guess, "300" and "V for Vendetta" coming from the same writer.

Ok. Rorschach appeals to me, because in his bitter, mostly awful world of seeing the worst in people (which is inherant in the almost rambling hateful monologue/diary) he holds truth and above all no compromise in what he believes is right.

But it was Osmandias i came to repect the most, for sometimes the right decision is the hardest (ie: wiping out hundres of millions of people and bringing human civilisation to its knees)

My favorite line was, in a very typical scene where Osmandias (bad guy or is he?) is cornered in his lair and is spilling all the details of his warped plot to save the human race by annialating a good portion of it, just in time for our band of heros to save the day...?

"You think i told you all the details of my plan so you could stop it? All this was set in motion 35 minutes ago."

Brilliant!

I give it 7 out of 10 masks.